To be a disciple of Christ is to live a life of ceaseless waiting. Waiting for the Spirit to quicken, for the Lord to call, for your sins to absolve, for your heart to soften, for your seed to bud, for your flower to fruit, for your prayers to be answered, for your body to surrender, for your soul to rapture, for your Savior to return, for your God to vanquish. Being a Christian is a long-game endeavor. It is not for the hurried and not to be pressed.
“The giver is more than the gift, God is more than the blessing; and our being kept waiting on Him is the only way for our learning to find our life and joy in Him. Oh, if God’s children only knew what a glorious God they have, and what a privilege it is to be linked in fellowship with Him, then they would rejoice in Him! Even when He keeps them in waiting, they would learn to understand better than ever: ‘Therefore will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you.’ His waiting will be the highest proof of His graciousness.” – Waiting on God by Andrew Murray
I’m no stranger to waiting. To the longing that is often accompanied. And to the fear that tightens with each passing prayer. From the mountain-top vantage point, it is easier to see the shrouded goodness ahead, but when you’re faulting along the base, with darkness closing in, bruised and exhausted, goodness echoes as a myth.
We serve a good God. Just as they say: God is good. All the time. But even Lucy knew that good does not always equal safe (The Lion, The Witch, & the Wardrobe) and sometimes safe can sound better than good.
As I find myself in yet another opportunity to whisper pleas for goodness, I discover I’m clenching my fists around safety and desperate for the promise of goodness I know, not just the goodness He gives.
When joy runs far, rejoicing in glory and fellowship abate with it. And the heart grows weary of knowing He is gracious in His waiting.
Though this heart is hard, these teeth clenched, and this breath bated, I will stifle the twilight one wrestled “Your will be done” after the other. And I will read again and again of His gift, His blessing, His glory, His goodness, His waiting, and His graciousness. And I will wait. As we all do. For morning to break and goodness to reign on earth as it is in Heaven.